Chapter 35: Brother, You Smell So Good

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“I’ll treat you to barbecue tomorrow.”

“Three words, Dad.”

They spoke in unison, narrowing their eyes as if to say, You little punk.

“The barbecue outside the school gate makes you sick twice out of every three times. It’s even more of a blind box than a blind box!” Jiang Nian raged. “Vicious woman, do you not know that regicide is punishable by death?”

“And how much better are you?” Xu Qianqian curled her lip. “I’m telling my dad! You took advantage of me.”

“What the hell?”

After trading insults for a while, Jiang Nian finally got down to business.

It was nearly midnight. They had to get up early for school the next day, and there was even going to be a short English quiz. He could not function without enough sleep, so the sooner they caught the mouse, the sooner he could go home and sleep.

Jiang Nian searched the living room from one end to the other but found no sign of a mouse.

“You’re sure Jerry is here?”

“Why would I lie to you? Do I look like I have nothing better to do?” Xu Qianqian gritted her teeth, then suddenly thought of something. “Could it be because the lights are on? Maybe the mouse doesn’t dare come out.”

“Then should we turn them off?” At that, Jiang Nian suddenly became coy, wearing a shameless grin. “Actually, I prefer having the lights on. I can see more clearly.”

Xu Qianqian clenched her fists. Who asked about your preferences?

Jiang Nian found several glue traps and set them along the wall beside the sofa and refrigerator. He placed another one outside Xu Qianqian’s bedroom door, then picked up a rubber fly swatter.

Click.

The lights went out completely.

Their vision vanished at once. After several seconds, their eyes gradually adjusted. The living room was pitch-black. They stood several paces apart, able to make out each other’s faces only dimly in the darkness.

Jiang Nian seemed to see Xu Qianqian turn her head away, avoiding his gaze.

Suddenly, a series of squeaks rang out.

“It’s here!” Xu Qianqian said.

“Mm.”

Jiang Nian gestured for her to stay where she was, then crept toward the sound, gripping the rubber swatter tightly.

The mouse seemed to sense the danger. After remaining silent for a moment, it suddenly shot out from beneath the sofa.

Xu Qianqian let out a cry. Jiang Nian reacted with lightning speed and struck at the shadow with a five-hit lightning-whip combo. At that moment, the full essence of Master Ma was revealed.

Although Emperor Jerry was astonishingly fast, he could not avoid being hit. It immediately spun around and fled toward the corner. Hugging the wall, it raced forward like a bolt of lightning.

Squeak, squeak, squeak!

The swiftly moving shadow suddenly came to a halt, like a female investigator trapped in an otaku’s swamp. It struggled desperately and cried out in despair as it watched the human approach.

Sorry, Mommy. Tonight, I’m setting sail for the great beyond.

“Did you catch it?” Xu Qianqian swallowed.

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“Turn on the light.”

Click.

The lights suddenly came back on.

Right in front of Jiang Nian, the figure of Emperor Jerry was clearly visible on a glue trap. It was huge, its expression humiliated, utterly pinned down within that tiny patch of space.

The other glue trap had been knocked askew and lay discarded nearby.

“You have to admit, this mouse...” Jiang Nian crouched down and examined it closely, his expression grave.

“What about it?” Xu Qianqian immediately grew nervous and hurried over beside him. “Did it confess where its accomplices are hiding?”

“No. I mean, it has rather delicate features.”

“Go to hell!”

“Tsk, tsk. Such an adorable little mouse. How can you possibly...” Jiang Nian turned his head and happened to notice her shapely calves, uncovered by her white nightgown.

Her pink toes peeked out from her slippers, smooth and gleaming, lined up neatly together and looking small and adorable. The faint scent of milk and body wash lingered around them.

“What is it?” Xu Qianqian asked, assuming he had found traces of another mouse. She instantly became tense.

“Nothing. I just suddenly realized...”

“Realized what?”

“Bro, you smell amazing.”

“You go to hell too, you pervert!”

Xu Qianqian’s face flushed. She shoved him to the floor with one leg. Perhaps she was simply too embarrassed; she had meant to tell Jiang Nian to get lost.

Instead, tears of sheer embarrassment glimmering in her eyes, she blurted out:

“Ribbit!”

The atmosphere instantly fell silent.

Neither of them could hold it in. They burst out laughing for a long while.

“You’re not allowed to laugh!”

“Hahaha! Then you go first... Haha, don’t laugh! Hahaha...”

Jiang Nian sat on the floor, laughing. Xu Qianqian tried to look stern but could not hold back either, so she turned away.

“Jiang Nian, you’re awful!”

“Hahaha, damn it.”

Jiang Nian laughed until his stomach hurt. As he folded up the glue trap, he said, “Who knew we’d get to hear a frog croaking in the middle of the night? What a performance.”

“You...”

“Why won’t you let me hear you croak again?” Jiang Nian said with a cheeky grin, carrying Emperor Jerry’s imperial coffin toward the door. “Come on, give me one more croak. I’ll be gone immediately.”

Xu Qianqian’s entire face had turned red. She wanted nothing more than to punch him twice.

Even after Jiang Nian left, the flush had not faded from her face. She locked the door and returned silently to her room.

Then she pummeled the stuffed toy on her bed with a barrage of tiny pink fists. Its smiling face caved in repeatedly.

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Stuffed Toy: “Your mother... knew you’d rot in that lousy factory!”

Thank you, thunderstruck Mommy. You hit me with your entire skill set. I can barely breathe. Promise me you’ll love me and stop elbowing me, okay, man?

The next day.

Yawning, Jiang Nian went to school alone. He did not ask whether Xu Qianqian wanted to walk there with him. Her standing him up the previous day was simply left unresolved.

No explanation? Fine, then.

One thing had nothing to do with another. He certainly was not going to wait for Xu Qianqian in Olympiad Room 304 after evening study period.

Ring, ring, ring.

The first morning class was Chinese. Jiang Nian listened in a daze, half asleep. Propping up his head with one hand, he pretended to be looking down at his textbook, while holding a pen in his right hand in an effort to disguise the fact that he was sleeping.

A forty-five-minute class passed in a series of smooth, intermittent naps lasting two or three minutes at a time.

Whenever their homeroom teacher, Mr. Liu, said, “Turn to page xx,” Jiang Nian would wake up instantly, flip through the book in perfect synchronization with the rest of the class, and then fall asleep again as soon as he was done.

When the first class ended, the entire class immediately wilted. Everyone collapsed onto their desks and fell asleep on the spot.

Li Hua glanced at his deskmate, Jiang Nian.

“Damn, Brother Nian, you slept through the whole class. How are you still this tired? What were you doing last night?”

“Don’t ask. I was suppressing an ominous entity.” Jiang Nian lay sprawled across his desk and answered in a muffled voice. “I’m exhausted. Don’t bother me. If I fall asleep in the next class, I’ll definitely get caught.”

Ten minutes felt like several hours.

The moment the bell rang, Jiang Nian slowly dragged himself upright. Resting his chin on one hand, he opened his eyes to a narrow slit and saw Zhang Ningzhi turn around from the seat in front of him.

“Do you want some milk?”

“Hm?”

Jiang Nian instantly came to life.

“I bought it yesterday, but I can’t find the straw.” Zhang Ningzhi spoke softly, her eyelashes fluttering. “I heard milk helps with sleepiness. Besides, I can’t open it... Do you want it?”

“Sure.” Jiang Nian gave her a lazy smile.

Baby Zhizhi was almost too kind. Free milk really did taste sweet.

“Oh, okay.”

Zhang Ningzhi reached into her desk and felt around until she found a carton of milk. She carefully placed it on his desk, her face turning red.

“But there’s no straw.”

“That’s not a problem. I can just bite a little hole in it,” Jiang Nian said.

Beside them, Li Hua pretended not to see anything. Inside, he wept silently.

Jiang Nian, you son of a... Did you secretly save the world or something?

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