0104: A Glance Back at Youth

“Alright, stop talking, I’m just teasing you!”

But the next moment, just as he was at a loss for how to respond, Ji Yun suddenly folded her arms and gave him a playful smile.

Then she turned away, swinging her arms as she continued walking ahead. Xu Lin let out a sudden breath of relief.

Yet, deep down, he felt more grateful that Ji Yun hadn’t forced him to make a choice. That only made him care for this girl even more.

Walking ahead, Ji Yun’s back to Xu Lin, her eyes suddenly reddened, as if stung by wind and dust, tears threatening to fall.

But after a couple of sobs, she locked the tears back into her eyes and unclenched her fists.

She realized she might have been a bit impulsive. What would she do if Xu Lin rejected her? Would they truly go their separate ways?

If they were already apart, unable to meet, could she bear to let time and distance dilute their bond?

At this moment, she couldn’t. Even though Xu Lin’s demeanor showed he still liked someone else, she couldn’t bear it.

If Xu Lin chose her, she might not even know what to do—whether to truly make him give up contact with other girls.

She had no right to imprison anyone’s freedom; she wasn’t his wife. Yet she didn’t want to compete with others, especially since she sensed Xu Lin’s affections were scattered among many girls.

But she couldn’t say for sure who really mattered to him; after all, she couldn’t accuse anyone without cause.

So she was caught in a tangled state of mind, and in the end, she pulled back first, resorting to delay.

Judging by his demeanor, Xu Lin wouldn’t enter a relationship with anyone specific for now, so whoever he liked was equal in her eyes.

Since childhood, she believed that what was meant to be hers would be hers; what wasn’t, no matter how much she held on, would slip away.

If he chose someone else, that meant he chose the one he truly loved. If she confirmed their relationship but he didn’t walk the path with her till the end, then she was the one who lost—just like Aunt Yao and her mother.

So she wouldn’t make the first move again; she’d wait for the day he chose her of his own accord.

Thus, the two of them walked silently for a long time until they boarded a crowded bus heading to the hospital.

Since the bus was packed, Xu Lin and Ji Yun squeezed near the exit door, enduring the close press of bodies around them.

Though things were better domestically, and the kind of harassment seen in Japan was rare, one still had to be cautious.

So he pulled slender Ji Yun close in his arms, but she kept fidgeting restlessly.

“What are you doing?” After a long silence, Xu Lin finally spoke.

“It’s too crowded; you bumped into me…” Ji Yun whispered, lowering her head shyly against his chest.

“Sorry, I was just checking my phone.”

“Xu Lin, tell me the truth—do you like me?”

“Like? Why ask that? Of course, you’re the girl I’ve liked the longest!”

Xu Lin smiled, memories flooding back. Unlike Li Bin and Ma Zhiyu, he had always been the shy, timid boy.

Since childhood, he was the quiet, obedient type. Without his two good friends, Li Bin and Ma Zhiyu, he might have been bullied often.

Just an ordinary, honest boy who attended classes, went home, did homework, and when free, watched anime or read novels under the covers.

In those novels, he saw many wonderful stories and the extraordinary lives of protagonists—so dazzling and extraordinary.

But each morning, waking up, he still felt like an ordinary person, unable to change anything, just passing each day as it came.

Like everyone else—elementary, middle, high school, university, graduation, work, marriage, and continued work.

He had his rebellious phase, imagining a world transformed, where he was the hero.

But as he grew older, the world felt more real.

So many had better family backgrounds, naturally superior to him; so many were born smarter and more talented.

He worked hard, but the gap remained vast.

Many were eloquent, popular with friends, teachers, and classmates alike.

There was a girl he secretly liked in middle school, who ended up with a boy who was excellent academically, athletically gifted, and had a strong circle of friends.

He honestly envied and resented them, wanting to catch up, wanting to change himself, but he sank deeper into a swamp of despair and social withdrawal.

He grew lazier, stopped caring about grades or socializing, living in his own world.

Thus, he drifted into high school, where his life took its first turn—and his only real one.

When he entered Class 7 of the Third Middle School, he ranked 40th out of 60 students—a typical lower-middle level.

He wasn’t trendy, didn’t dress up, and wasn’t good at socializing, so to everyone, he was the most inconspicuous presence.

But beside this most unnoticed figure appeared the brightest star of his brief life—Ji Yun.

She was like a shining star illuminating his soul, inspiring longing, yet he knew it was like a moth to the flame.

Within two weeks of school starting, she was bombarded by male confessions, all rejected.

Xu Lin envied those boys; at least they had the courage to confess, while he only dared to watch from afar.

When the first seat adjustments came, based on the first monthly exam, he watched helplessly as boy after boy sat around Ji Yun.

He felt for the first time that if he didn’t work hard and change, he would only drift farther from her.

From that day on, he began to study seriously—not for anything else, but to get closer to her, even just a little.

But two wasted years in middle school made it hard to catch up quickly. Yet after half a semester, he climbed into the top twenty in class.

Half a year passed, and he still hadn’t spoken a word to her. Looking back, he felt foolish.

But the greatest redemption came in the second semester of his first year of high school—an unforgettable moment.

As the shadow of the class, before Ma Zhiyu and Li Bin transferred in, he had almost no friends.

Many classmates couldn’t even pronounce his name correctly, even teachers.

But in April, during a spring sports meet used for publicity, he participated in the boys’ 1000-meter run.

Fifty boys ran together, and others cheered from the sidelines for their acquaintances.

As the race began, he heard many names shouted, including a handsome athlete whose name was called out by a group of girls.

Among all those names, his was absent.

Just as bitterness overwhelmed him, Ji Yun’s clear voice rang out:

“Come on, Xu Lin!”

That single phrase was like an angel’s embrace, pulling him out of despair and nearly bringing him to tears.

He pushed his frail body to claim seventh place—a great result.

Classmates gathered around, praising him, and for the first time, he felt his own presence as Xu Lin.

He glanced at the girl from afar; she turned, gave a faint smile and a backward glance that stayed in his memory for years.

This spurred him to work harder, rising from the worst student to entering a first-tier university, making friends and building a life.

She was his first love—the reason he confessed to her immediately upon returning, even though he was rejected.

But he remained remarkably calm because he had accomplished what he once most desired, leaving no regrets.

Yet now, because of his fickle heart, he was abandoning those hopes—wasn’t that a betrayal to himself?

“Sorry, Ji Yun, I’m sorry.”

Xu Lin looked at the girl as if seeing that encouraging smile from years ago, a tear slipping down his cheek.

“Why are you apologizing?” Ji Yun was surprised to see him so emotional and quickly handed him a tissue.

Her gentle hand lifted his cheek softly, a little ticklish, a little sweet.

“I don’t know,” Xu Lin pouted, like a child throwing a tantrum.

“Don’t cry if you don’t know why, it’s embarrassing!” Ji Yun laughed, teasing like a child herself.

“Ji Yun, do you know when I started liking you?”

“Hm?”

“When you cheered me on.”

“Cheered me on... you mean the race six months ago?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s not long. You said you’ve liked me the longest?”

Ji Yun thought Xu Lin was teasing her again.

“No, it’s been a long time—seven years. But I want that time to be even longer, much longer.”