Chapter 55: The Curse of the Crow

"Hey, you even messed up your own major—how many embarrassing moments did you have tonight?" Along the way, whenever Chen Fan saw loose stones blocking his path, he'd kick them aside without hesitation, venting his frustration.

Xiao Yuhe tried to comfort him, "Luck comes and goes—no one can predict it. As long as we're still here, nothing's truly bad."

A cold wind swept by. Chen Fan shook off his gloom and said, "No need to be so pessimistic. You talk as if we're lucky just to be alive. The wind's getting stronger; let's head back early."

"Alright."

"And remember what I said—don't get fooled by Wei Youlong's sweet talk." When they reached the entrance of Guiyuan Dormitory, Chen Fan reminded her once more.

"Oh, maybe. Depends on my mood." The rebellious Xiao Yuhe suddenly threw a tantrum, tossed the words over her shoulder, and ran inside.

"Hey, you—" Chen Fan took a couple of steps after her, intending to catch up and clarify things, but was stopped by the security aunt at the door.

"Young man, this is the girls' dorm. You can't go in. Don't you have enough time to flirt with your girlfriend during the day? Do you know how many heartbreaks and reunions I've witnessed at this door in the past fifteen years? Enough to scare you if I told you." The aunt blocked Chen Fan with righteous authority and lectured him.

Chen Fan halted, protesting, "We're not a couple, just ordinary classmates."

The aunt, displaying her seasoned perspective, spoke earnestly, "I've seen it all. Every couple starts out just like you two. College is the last stronghold of young love—cross this threshold and you're in a society ruled by material desire. Good girls willing to suffer alongside you for a few years will be hard to find."

Her words startled Chen Fan, and he began to doubt, "Is it really that dramatic?"

The aunt sighed, "It's not like lying to you benefits me. If you don't believe me, go check out the matchmaking agencies outside—everywhere, it's all about cars, houses, and a monthly salary starting at ten thousand. My own son is thinking about returning to the countryside to find a wife."

Thoroughly intimidated, Chen Fan recalled the fact that Yuanyu's housing prices had already risen to fifty thousand per square meter, the probability of winning a license plate lottery was nearly zero, and buying one outright would cost almost a hundred thousand. In comparison, most Yuanda graduates earned only about five thousand in their first two years. To reach that standard, he'd have to work ten lifetimes.

"Am I doomed to be single forever?" Chen Fan shook his head, stopping himself from spiraling further. Suddenly, his expensive suit—worth over a thousand—felt trivial, and his mood lightened inexplicably.

"Alright, you've heard enough stories. Go back to your dorm. If you linger, it's not good for you if other girls see." The aunt shooed Chen Fan away and turned her phone sideways to watch her drama series.

All the way back, Chen Fan kept mulling over the conversation. He didn't even bother kicking stones anymore. To verify her claims, he searched for Yuanyu City's marriage statistics, and sure enough, over thirty percent of eligible youth were single, with the trend growing worse.

"That scared me so much I feel like my soul is splitting from my body." Chen Fan felt a chill run through him and hurried his steps.

...

"Who knew you had so many worries—being human really comes with endless troubles." Hiding behind his bed curtain, the Elder's playing card stood upright on the desk, still emitting a faint odor of sweat.

Seeing Chen Fan silent, the Elder complained, "Do you have any idea how cramped it was? So many people shoved their butts in my face, and a few even farted right at me. The mixture of cilantro, white vinegar, garlic, and a hint of durian—I'm seriously..."

"The suffering can't be described," the Elder sneezed, wriggling incessantly.

"Pfft—haha, I didn't expect it to be like that." Chen Fan finally let out a genuine laugh.

The Elder conjured a bath basin, wrapped in a white robe, and dove in. The rising bubbles overflowed to the edge of the card and stopped abruptly.

"If being human is so miserable, maybe I should just be a breeding pig—eat, drink, sleep, mate all day, and never worry about being slaughtered."

"You like being watched while mating? Having people point and criticize, forcibly changing your position if you do it wrong?" Chen Fan retorted.

"Maybe you could find your own organic mega ranch," the Elder burrowed into the pile of bubbles, fragrant herbal essence floating on the surface, washing away the day's gloom.

"Right, I just remembered—today I’m supposed to be a crow, and I haven’t used my skill yet." Chen Fan slapped his thigh, raised his voice, and began to mimic animal calls.

"Caw, caw, caw—"

"Gah, gah, gah—"

"Hahaha—"

"Eee, eee, eee?"

"Damn, this is way too hard." Chen Fan sat cross-legged on his bed, sighing deeply.

"Hey, Fan, are you listening to 'The Fox'? " Chen Fan parted his bed curtain; Xu Changhui was leisurely soaking his feet in hot water.

"'The Fox'? What's that?"

Xu Changhui straightened his slouch, "It's a popular English song—‘What Does the Fox Say.’ Weren’t you just mimicking fox sounds?"

"No, I was just making random noises." Chen Fan dismissed Xu Changhui and returned to pondering the ancient dilemma—would he really be single for life?

"Impossible. Don't scare yourself. Even if one-third are single, I could still be among the other two-thirds, right? That must be it." He consoled himself.

"Ah, that's right." Suddenly, a thought struck him. Since the Fox card could record and preserve people's innermost truths, perhaps the Crow's ability could also work via a carrier.

"Heh, heh, there really is such an app." Chen Fan found a voice software that could transform his speech into various animal sounds.

"Foolish mortals, feel the terror of being dominated, hahaha." Chen Fan let out a crazed laugh, his phone screen showing a black crow icon.

"Wei Youlong is a gay boy." He shouted into the phone and pressed play.

"Wow~Wei You~long is~wow~gay boy." The voice stuttered a bit, but it truly sounded like a crow.

"Oh my, tsk, tsk, tsk, I wonder if it actually works. I feel a bit excited." Chen Fan stared at his phone, uncertain how to verify the effect.

He watched for ten minutes, then came to a realization: "Whatever, I'll just keep piling on curses. If it works, I'll find out eventually."

He filled his mind with a heap of misfortunes, took a deep breath, and input them all.

"Hahaha, Wei Youlong, now even breathing will choke you." Listening to the voice playback, Chen Fan smugly stroked his chin.

"Eh, this..." When the recording ended, Chen Fan checked the time—the calendar had already flipped to the next day, and it was past midnight.

PS: Let's set up a reader group—though I don't know if anyone will join. 631835310