Chapter 98: I Am a Laurel Tree

“I’ve turned into a tree. How am I supposed to play the game now...”

Chen Fan tried to pull up the roots buried in the soil, only to quickly realize it was all futile. Even his hands were no longer remotely human; he had become a bona fide laurel tree.

Seeing a figure in the distance, Chen Fan flailed his “branches” and shouted, “Hey, big brother, could you come over and give me a hand?”

The man seemed to hear Chen Fan’s plea and walked over. As his blurred outline gradually sharpened, Chen Fan could vaguely make out two axes hanging from his waist, one large and one small.

“Well now, Chen Fan, what rotten luck you’ve got, hahaha. How did you end up as a tree?”

The woodcutter Li Peijun circled Chen Fan with great interest, even giving his trunk a few kicks now and then to test how it felt.

“Not bad, pretty sturdy. A couple of kicks and it still won’t wobble.”

“Damn you. I’m filing a complaint about this dungeon. How are you supposed to play when the game turns players into trees? I can’t move at all. Hey, you, stop tickling me.”

Chen Fan could only grumble helplessly. After becoming a laurel tree, not only could he not move his body, he could barely even turn around; any larger motion felt awkward, like wringing out a wet towel.

“Quick, find a way to get me out of here. There’s no reason I should just be rooted in the soil like this waiting for the game to end.”

Li Peijun stroked his chin and paced around once before saying, “Only way is to chop you down with an axe.”

Chen Fan was startled. With that sharp blade coming down, if it did not kill him, it would leave him crippled. He shook his head. “Can’t you just loosen the soil around me a little? Do you have to cut me down like a lumberjack?”

“What do you expect? I’m Wu Gang. My backstory says I was born to chop trees.” Li Peijun pulled out his two axes and weighed them in his hands. “Besides, take a look at what kind of ground you’re planted in. It’s rock. And I’m not carrying a diamond drill.”

“Stop dithering. Better pain now than pain later. Big axe, eighty. Small axe, forty. Which one do you want?”

Chen Fan urged impatiently, “Cut the act. Stop putting on a skit and get me out of here.”

“All right then, I’ll bring both axes down together.” Li Peijun tightened the strap at his waist a little, drew a deep breath, and began swinging the axes with loud grunts and shouts.

The “laurel tree” was soon felled. The pain was not all that severe, about on par with a knee-jerk reflex in biology class. Chen Fan quickly righted himself. Other than feeling a head shorter than before, there did not seem to be much else wrong.

“C-could you make the cut a little flatter? It feels like my left foot is barefoot, one side high and the other low.”

Li Peijun sheathed his axes and scratched his head. “Heh heh, sorry about that. I’m not exactly a professional. I’ll be more careful next time.”

Chen Fan said sourly, “There won’t be a next time. If I’d known I was going to become a tree, I’d have gone to play in a Republican-era police station dungeon instead. At least I’d still look human.”

By the time he reached the Moon Palace, Chen Fan finally understood that only he had been turned into a laurel tree...

“Hmm? Why is there a player who turned into a tree?” asked the Moon God, Liu Jian, in confusion.

The Jade Rabbit, Wu Qiqi, also looked on curiously. “Is the system broken? Why are you the only tree?”

Chen Fan was equally indignant. He glanced over the table. The other players were basically all dressed in colorful silk and gauze, each one wrapped in an ethereal, celestial effect. Even the worst off, Li Peijun, still had two axes in hand. Then he looked at himself again and saw he was so old he had already changed bark several times over.

“I’m helpless too. If Li Peijun hadn’t come down with his axe to save me, I’m afraid I would have been AFK until the game ended.” Chen Fan laboriously rotated his huge body and explained his plight in full.

“Could this be some prank by the programmers?” said Liu Jian, the Moon God, again.

“Does this special dungeon not have a moderator?” Chen Fan looked around, but saw no sign of any NPC.

“Hey, I am the moderator. Didn’t you notice there are thirteen people at the table?” Liu Jian sighed and raised the moderator card in his hand.

Chen Fan said in surprise, “No way. There are that many bugs in this dungeon? Come on, let’s start already.”

“Fine, I’m dealing the cards.” Liu Jian looked thoroughly disinterested and placed twelve role cards face down on the table for everyone to draw.

The whole experience felt like a bunch of people dressing up in cosplay and playing Werewolf, except Chen Fan had not cosplayed the role he actually wanted.

“Standard twelve-player setup, win condition is all about eliminating a faction, with seer, witch, hunter, and idiot on the board, no sheriff game. All right, night falls; everyone close your eyes.” Liu Jian briefly explained the rules, even his voice drained and listless, as though he could not wait for the game to end and a new round to begin.

This time Chen Fan drew wolf. He cracked one eye open, found his teammates, and discovered his old partner Li Peijun was also a wolf. The two exchanged a smile and led the kill on player five, who sat between them.

“All right, it’s day. Last night, players five and twelve died.” For some reason, Liu Jian could not help laughing as he spoke.

Player five frowned and said, “Shoot player one. I know him; he must have killed me.”

Player twelve looked utterly baffled. “I thought the witch died and poisoned me. If your witch didn’t save anyone on the first day, fine, but why poison? You killed my idiot role now, and both gods are gone on day one. How are we supposed to play this?”

“All right, player five may activate their skill. Player one has been shot out of the game. Please leave your last words.” This time Liu Jian laughed even harder. It seemed the situation was unfolding far more smoothly than expected.

“Well, is this karma? I really didn’t kill you. The wolves killed you, you shot me, and I blind-poisoned player twelve. I’m the witch with only one potion. This is awkward. I’ve never seen all three gods dead on the first day before, leaving only the seer to fight alone. The good guys may as well surrender. How do you play with only one god left?”

Chen Fan held back his laughter, since he still could not be sure whether the other man was truly the witch. If he turned out to be a dead civilian baiting wolves, Chen Fan would expose himself for nothing. Better to wait and see the seer come forward.

Li Peijun, on the other hand, was already laughing so hard he nearly collapsed, not the least bit worried about revealing his own identity. Most of the people at the table wore miserable expressions. Chen Fan had wanted to hide it too, but in the end he could not keep it in any longer and had to cover his face so no one would catch him snickering.

Three gods gone on the opening day. The odds of that were absurdly low. Chen Fan had played many games before and had only once seen four players die on the first day, and that was on a Cupid board where, at the very least, two wolves had also gone out. Nothing like this. It was a heavenly opening for the wolves.

“Please have player three speak.”

Because so many people had died, and because there was no sheriff, Moon God Liu Jian simply picked a random number for the first speaker.

Player three looked ashen and said, “I’m a civilian. If nobody comes out later claiming witch or idiot, the good side can just surrender now. With only the seer left, and no way for them to claim, blind pushing is basically hopeless.”

Player four, Li Peijun, finally stifled his laughter and said, “Do you believe a civilian claim? I just want to laugh. Good heavens, this is too exciting. End it already, pass, pass, pass.”

“Civilian, pass.” Chen Fan, player six, also wanted to follow suit. In a game like this, there was no need to jump out as the seer. Better to keep your head down and quietly help find the wolves.

“I’m also a civilian, pass.”

“I’m a civilian too. Nothing to say.”

“Not a god, just a good card.”

Player ten, the seer, said with great sorrow, “Sigh, as the seer, I’ve somehow just lain here and lost. Is there anyone claiming witch or idiot later? If not, I’ll just surrender.”

“Nope, pass.”

“Can’t beat that. We’ve lost.”

“I’m the idiot. Just kidding.”

“Let’s vote it out. There’s no way to win anymore.”

“I surrender. I’d rather lose to the moderator’s verdict than die in the night at a wolf’s blade.”

Player ten revealed his identity card and delivered a passionate speech.

“All right, I hereby declare the game over. The wolf camp wins.”

Liu Jian, the Moon God, finally breathed a sigh of relief. At last this tedious game was over.

Chen Fan also let out a long breath.

At last, he did not have to be a tree anymore.