Chapter 99: You’re Not Fat, You’re Just Fluffy

“Ah, at last I can be a proper person again. This instance is seriously cursed,” Chen Fan complained.

Li Peijun shrugged. “The official servers are under emergency maintenance now. They say there was a major bug in the Mid-Autumn Festival instance, Moon Palace. Probably they got too many user complaints, so they’re tearing it down and rebuilding it. It may be a few days before it goes back online.”

“Fine by me. At least they’ll fix some of the settings the players hate. The user is king, after all.”

Chen Fan began reading the maintenance notice as well. The announcement mentioned that a huge number of players had reported major bugs in the game. Among them were many who had accidentally turned into laurel trees and could not move, forced to idle through the entire match.

The officials had also detected abnormal script data, which prevented NPCs from spawning in the instance. As a result, some players ended up assigned as referees, severely ruining the experience.

Li Peijun went through the user feedback one by one, then smiled and tried to console Chen Fan. “Looks like this thing is a bug factory. Others had it worse. In one twelve-player match, there were ten trees. Only two players could actually play, and there wasn’t even a referee. They just stared at each other, and after all that trouble it was reduced to a tree-cutting game. We’re pretty lucky, really.”

“Then I really am lucky,” Chen Fan said, deliberately lifting the end of his sentence.

“So Moon Palace is shut down. What should we play now? How about Republic Police Station?” Li Peijun suggested.

“No, let me pick. There are so many instances we haven’t tried. Why are you so fixated on Republic Police Station?” Earlier, Chen Fan had only been talking for fun, but when it came time to choose, he still hesitated quite a bit.

“Then this one. Zootopia. It’s in the top three for approval rating,” Chen Fan said, pointing at it.

Li Peijun noticed it too, but he also spotted something else. “Average play time is seventy-six minutes. That’s the longest of all the instances. A single round taking that long doesn’t seem very good, does it?”

Chen Fan tried to persuade him. “What’s so bad about that? A longer play time means the instance is bigger and better made. Isn’t that better than that prematurely mature Moon Palace? Besides, we’re only killing time anyway. Just think of it as experiencing a movie world.”

“We won’t end up as a bunch of weird animals, will we?” Li Peijun asked, a little worried, half believing and half doubting as he pressed the matchmaking button.

“Loading your game...”

“Current instance: Zootopia. Standard setup: Seer, Witch, Hunter, Demon. Sheriff, side-elimination match. Good luck to all players.”

Chen Fan opened his eyes. A shaky ceiling fan hung overhead. Turning slightly, he saw neatly cut oak boards stacked into walls. There was little decoration, but it was a cozy little home.

Chen Fan slowly sat up and found the whole effort strangely difficult. He could not say why, only that his body felt as if something were weighing it down.

He looked down at his hands.

They were fluffy paws. The claws on his bear-like palms had already been completely removed. His feet were much the same, plump and soft, and clearly very warm.

Too bad it was still midsummer...

“I’m a fuzzy bear?” Chen Fan blurted out instinctively. As he turned, he even managed to step on his own brownish-gray tail.

“A fat squirrel?”

Thunk. Thunk. Thunk.

Chen Fan carefully lightened his steps, but they still made dull, heavy thuds. Fortunately, there were no other animals nearby, so he probably would not be accused of noise pollution.

After searching around, Chen Fan finally found a full-length mirror, and at last he could see himself clearly.

A round, chubby face. Short, fluffy ears. Two rosy patches on his cheeks. And a pair of beady little eyes. Chen Fan stared at his reflection, stunned. What sort of animal was this supposed to be?

He scratched his head in confusion.

But the one in the mirror did not scratch its head. Instead, it pinched its own fat cheek.

“This isn’t a mirror,” Chen Fan said, checking it again. It was merely a doorframe with no door.

“Well, well, you’re an adorable little raccoon too, hahahaha,” someone suddenly laughed at him.

“I’m a raccoon?” Chen Fan sat on the floor, staring at the raccoon in front of him. The only difference between them was the color.

“Of course, of course. One of those cute little raccoons from the emoji packs. I love them,” Wu Qiqi said excitedly, even tugging at Chen Fan’s tail. “This feels so real. It’s like petting a cat.”

“Uh... do you know where the game spawn is?” Chen Fan tried to control his tail, but it seemed to ignore him and kept drooping limply to the ground.

“No idea. I spawned in the room next door, so I don’t know the surroundings,” Wu Qiqi said, shaking her head as she rubbed her whole face against his tail.

“Am I really that fat? Even walking feels hard.”

Still engrossed in the cuteness, Wu Qiqi bobbed her head and said, “You’re not fat. You’re fluffy. That’s how raccoons are. Chubby and a little clumsy. I never expected this animal to be in the instance. Last time there were only foxes and rabbits.”

“Maybe the system optimized it and added a lot of new elements,” Chen Fan said, turning to take a step forward. But Wu Qiqi was still tugging his tail, and before he had taken two steps, he was pulled right back.

“Hey, little raccoon, time for school.”

“If you don’t go now, you’ll be late.”

“Stop sleeping in. Get up.”

“Come on, get in the car, stop... ex... plain...ing.”

The voices came from outside. Chen Fan could tell that the first three lines were spoken by NPCs. As for the last one...

“Coming.”

Chen Fan snatched his tail back, slammed the door open with his head, and then missed his footing. His whole body went into a free fall through the air.

“Huh? Do I live in the sky?”

He kept falling faster and faster. There were no people in sight, not even a patch of green grass. Instead, there were plenty of pale misty clouds, and he swallowed no small amount of them on the way down.

Bang.

Chen Fan landed upside down in a roadside haystack, with only one big tail sticking out.

Uncle Hippopotamus sighed, walked over, grabbed Chen Fan by the tail, hauled him out of the hay, and tossed him into a wagon.

“Hurry up. We’re going to be late for school. Any other raccoons with you?”

Chen Fan nodded. “Yes. There’s another one at home who looks just like me, except she’s white and I’m brown.”

Ding.

A gap opened in the base of the tree-trunk foundation, and Wu Qiqi ran out of the elevator, dragging her long tail behind her.

“There’s an elevator? And it’s inside a tree?” Chen Fan asked, puzzled.

“Oh, you raccoons have such terrible memories. You were the one who got cheap and bought a World Tree apartment unit. The rest of us animals live on the ground. Only your whole raccoon nest got sent up into the sky. There’s only one elevator, and shuttling you all every day is such a hassle. Move faster from now on. If you miss the cart, I’m not responsible.”

“Oh.”

Chen Fan answered softly. The two raccoons settled themselves at the back of the wagon and wrapped their troublesome tails around their bodies.

“Li Peijun, what kind of animal are you?” Chen Fan asked.

Li Peijun slowly raised a hand and pointed to himself. “I... uh... you... guess...”

“Fine, don’t say it. Acting all theatrical on purpose. I look down on you.”

Chen Fan made a face and turned his head to look at the scenery.

“Sit tight. We’re off to school.”